Its about time to set some guide lines. After a couple of weeks in Zermatt I have seen some nasty things!! I have decided to set some guidelines for all of you Ski racing fans out there! If you want to look, behave & carry your self as a real classy World cup skier, this is what you need to do!!
The Godfather of ski racing, Mr Herminator! A perfect example of a ski racer!
1:Ski carrying! Don´t you ever dare to carry your skis with your tips pointing backwards, that already on the parking lot reveals how intense you suck at skiing!
2:Helmet goes on last! The later you put on your helmet the better, I don´t want to see you driving a car to the slope, walking around in the restaurant or putting on your helmet before your boots! Actually if you are 3 m away from your skis, the Helmet should be off your head!
3: SKI Straps! 3 straps+rubberbands on the ski stoppers is a strict minimum. 2 straps & no rubber bands= You show that you have no idea of how important your equipment is!
4:Lift line. Don´t you even think about sneaking by in the lift line, unless…You are a Superstar that everyone looks up to & you have their blessing to go ahead of them!
5:Mark your skis the right way! When you mark your skis like you are a kid, you should stop ski racing! There is under no cercumstances ok to draw a Smiley or write your name sloppy on a pair of race skis. Your initials, ski nr + ski Model is more than enough! If how ever you must mark them more, you do it on tejp!
6:Turtle neck ( Puffy )! I know there are some World cup skiers that uses it…But please stop doing that! If you are looking for comfort , change sport! + You look weak!
7: SunGlasses under Helmet. Normally I should not even have to mention this… But if you are wearing Sunglasses underneath your race helmet, you should not only be fined with a 500€ penalty but also be banned for skiing the rest of your life!
Remember These are not Rules these are guidelines!! 
It might be that I missed out on a few… so feel free to help me out by filling it in the comments !
/Hans
Hans i remember like 8-9 years ago back when i still raced, you wrote “Nobody touches my skis” and “2FAST4U” on your racing skis;)
I have learned my lesson!
hahahah
lol very funny
Other potential guidelines.
1. Under no circumstance should you ever EVER be seen skiing to the top of your training or race course with your jacket fully unzipped.
2. Goggles should always be tight and fit well to the helmet. NO JOEY GAPS!!
I’m pretty sure one ski strap is more than enough.
Hate to brake it to you manny, but you are not a ski racer!
Those are some sense-making rules. But no superstar here, so I’m patiently waiting in lift-lines. And straps, naah, I don’t use them. Hey, I’m no racer
* No open Jackets. Either you wear one or you don’t.
* If you go for a tuck. Stop putting those poles in the air. Either an Olsson tuck or the schuss we see in downhill racing.
* Snowblades are off limit (Shane McConkey was the only one who ever got away with it. RIP)
* If you wanna ski, you carry your own skis. Only exceptions can be made for kids. So please don’t walk around carrying your wife’s/man’s ski’s. If she / he can’t carry them she / he absolutely isn’t strong enough to ski
* …
If I have some more guidelines (in my opinion) I’ll post them right away
charge it,
©bruno
What about if my ski technician carries my skis, what to do?
picture four is “THE” exception on this guideline
Haha. Det här var bara för bra. Klockrent!
Keep up the good work =)
Haha, you should see some of the Joey’s at the resorts on the East Coast….Jeans tucked into rental boots (that aren’t even buckled), flying down the hill with the jacket unzipped and in the “death wedge”, and the massive gap between the helmet and goggles.
But one question, why do I need to have rubber bands on the ski brakes?
That is a good question, most of all because its easier to have them there when you unstrap them & dry them after training! (easier to dry)…. But most of all becasue it give the impression that your skis are as important as your mums old wedding ring!!
8. Just “tourists” are wearing racing suits and shorts for free sking, they have to know that it isn´t style… It´s fu*cking uncomfortable to wear it!!
Do I really need to say, “This is just poseur euro trash BS.”
No ear-muffs & no foundation, the lines look great when you take off your goggles (no make-up at all if you can swing it).
Shells… NO NO NO NO , a pro skier always make sure he dosen´t have a goggle tan! that is very far from looking pro!
Don’t forget to carry around a big ass racer backpack! How else are people going to know that you’re a serious ski racer if you don’t have enough storage space for transporting all your gear to and from the slopes? It should look like you have a bag big enough to fit a fully-grown human being!
Oh oh, Axel won’t be pleased you called out Julia on the turtlenecks.
And you forgot the number one way to look like a racer: lean on your poles whenever you can to take some weight off your tired quads. For extra points, even do it when riding t-bars by jamming the tips in the space between your boot and the toe-piece of your binding.
Looking forward to the book.
Good one… but make shure you don´t … For extra points, even do it when riding t-bars by jamming the tips in the space between your boot and the toe-piece of your binding. it ruins your bindings & boots! You shall either have them om the plate or a custom made round rubber dot in front of the binding & plate!
DOH!
the more the better
You can drink my wine, rape my wife, but don’t take my line!
And ski Himalayas.
take your poles into the restaurant and seperate your skis – somebody could steel them if you leave them outside in one spot!!
additioal: if you are a group of ski racers make sure to wear the same suits with your club name/squad name and sponsors in big letters, have some guys with walkie-talkies around, on competition days someone to brush the snow off your skis
and: have a chat with the employees of the skiing area in the local language/dialect
Susi, seperate your skiis, are you crazy! That is something you do not do! If you feel like there´s a threat that they get stoeln, you place the skiis where you can see them! Separating your skiis= not PRO at all!
Pretty sure you tie the brakes back to prevent side Walls getting damaged while traveling, as well as the added benefits of being easier to dry
If a grown man skiis around in boots with 90-92 mm WorldCup last and 160 + flex with a smile, he deserves cred. You can not fool feet. All the others are wannabes.
Listen to Mr Olsson folks, keep following those guidelines
And I’ll keep skiing the powderlines while you guys are still waiting in line or are busy untangling your skis from all those skistraps.
You go first, I’ll wait for you at the bottom. Freeskiers rules! Ski racers suck!
Hey Niklas, Don’t be suck a pussy, go out and put some 220′s on your hooves and point em straight if you want to know the feeling of rad boy.
Hans, I have a question about the third strap and I would love a World Cup racer’s opinion. As a former serious ski racer, a coach told me that the “third” strap placed right in front of the toe piece would only contribute to de-cambering the ski, thus wearing it out faster. What are your thoughts on this advice?
In Downhill the worst thing a ski can have is “cambering” , the more camberign the slower it is, ( in general) Now days I don´t know if the GS skis has that much cambering either! As long as the entire world cup uses 3 straps or more I don´t think you hvae to be worried about ruining your skis, these ski technicians knows what they are doing!
Although I appreciate the guidelines, I must admit that people watching can be amazing at ski areas. It is nice to have the variety even though I try not to be one of the spectacles.
HAHAHAHA!!!
Even if you are Mr Herminator you should never ever wear goggles that are in child size. This rule even applies if you are a child older than 4 years.
The goggles he use in this pic can’t be made for a man.
Let’s not forget that under no circumstances your din should be less than double digits
hahaha då fick jon tillsägelse när han hade det på Freestyle.ch va?
solglasögon och hjälm ?
Oh Yeeeeh! Was für “Besser Wissereien” hier !!! …. And no one single word about the most important of the entire equipment ! What about how to keep and to hold or not the boots before and after the training runs or races ?????? I´m so disappointed
(just joking) but….
..never seen people walking around with boots on stones or on roads or with widely open boots?
And also, what about the sickness of the XXI. century? Mp3 players, Handys or even Blackbarry during or between runs? For me, if acceptable, only MP during breaks and on the gondola (but, in any other case, absolutely dangerous and offensive to teammates and coaches). Beat me, Hans!
All the best for next season!
(I lIke the mentality of the Swedish team. I got on Monday morning on HTux 2 nice autogramms by Andre´ … he was very friendly and mutually wished me a good season too. Very very nice person!).
BTW, nice blog and pictures!
Lallo
Well, the handys or blackberry I can agree! & then there is the walking around in boots… Never ever with the buckles flaping & slaping around, but you can walk on roads & stones without “catrax” on them, it just shows that you are good enough to have guy exchange your lifters underneath your boots at any time!
But iff possible they should be in a bag during not skiing movment!!
I always want to pull that guys’ sunglasses off his stupid face and crush them in front of his girlfriend. Dude says”Wha wha what’d you do that for?” GF says ” I wanted to do that yesterday”
hahaha love these guidelines :p really don’t understand glasses and helmets together …
As a GoHard ski racer since I was 5 years old, and I have been racing FIS for 5 seasons now, how do I know when its time to walk away from the only sport I have ever known. I know how to be a pro, but I don’t know how to not ski in lace ups, and a GS suit, with a back protector and mouth guard. So Hans how do I know when its time to give up the speed skis?
Excellent blog here! Also your web site loads up very fast!
What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your
host? I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol